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One at a Time

One at a Time


Hi everyone and welcome back to mothers
of multi-family a part of the multifamily foundation podcast I am I am
so super excited for this next guess this i’ve been we’ve been sort of like
skating around each other we’d never talked before and it’s amazing to me
that i’ve never ever talked with two-meal kenny before this moment but
here she is live and completely awesome I’m so excited
welcome to Mille Hey thanks for having me thank you for being here to meal if
you don’t know her you should she is an apartment real estate investor a
three-time Amazon best-selling author mother of two and the president and
co-founder of think multifamily she along with her husband Marc currently
owned over 5,000 apartment units yes I did not hiccup I said 5000 apartment
units in five states across the u.s. Tamia is passionate about apartment
investing and she offers a holistic and family orientated approach bingo right
there such a great focus to educating others on how to be successful in this
business she holds an investor education conferences multiple times a year to
help others learn how they can use apartment investing to provide freedom
for themselves and their families prior to being a full time real estate
investor Tamia was a registered nurse and served on the board of a Christian
medical missions charity for over thirteen years she’s still actively
involved in supporting missions that work at with at-risk children and those
who have been rescued from sex trafficking oh my goodness Tamia you
have you not only help people in real estate but you were just like a god-sent
of a woman helping people across the board so the big question is how do you
do it how have you done all this amazingness and raised such an amazing
family how do you do it to me one day at a time this is not always easy right no
yeah it’s trying to find balance and anything it’s not you found
balance and okay you’re good for the rest of your life it’s constantly
balancing and constantly trying to rediscover what your values are what’s
most important to you and trying to move things around to make your actions line
up with what you say is most important yes yes all of the above oh my goodness
so one day at a time did you just did you just wake up and figure that out or
was it like a growth process oh my gosh it’s so much of a growth process because
I I’ve always been a person kind of person who wants to help somebody else
I’ve never really wanted to be in the forefront or on stage and granted when I
was younger I did like attention but as far as being responsible for being on
stage I was always a better assistant how can I help you how can I serve you
what can I do for you today um but as far as accomplishing anything
significant I really never had those goals in mind right of course I’ve
always wanted to have kids but never thought of myself as being a business
owner or being intelligent for that sake or a confident woman which I did not
actually get until I was in my 40s did not come easy at all I went through a
lot of pain and struggle and to get to where I am today and who I am today so
it really is one day at a time going through one situation at a time trying
to find the best part of that situation you’re in and just making it work for
you and not against you so what kind of advice can you give to women out there
mothers especially who I mean we all have our own stories you obviously have
one can you share a bit of it like some of the struggle that you’ve gone through
to push through and now you have this you have an empire it’s a meal you’re
okay so struggle number one since we’re mothers most of us are married is you
know marital issues right you live in the same house with this guy for so
many years have been married almost 25 years and I will often tell people the
first 20 years kind of sucked and they kind of sucked because neither one of us
know how to communicate with any relationship you have whether it’s a
girlfriend or business partner or a marriage you have to learn how to
communicate and communicate in a way that the other person understands
without belittling without thinking your mindset is the right one without
thinking your skill set is the best skill set and the other person’s beneath
you these are all things that my husband Mark and I have had to work through
significantly in the last several years and it took us until almost getting
divorced a couple of times before we were able to start working through those
issues now we have a freaking awesome marriage because we can communicate and
we can sense when things may or may not be right and when we’re creating more
distance because of work or kids our life right so we have found a way to see
the imbalance start working on that and create balance again so that was it
so how like for for a woman that’s going through that say she’s having trouble
with her partner how do you how do you open up those lines of communication
when I mean you know when you’re not when you’re not feeling right with your
husband it’s getting through that mental block almost to communicate how do you
do that it’s tricky because both partners have to want something better
and they both have to understand that there’s an issue whether both people
feel it or not if one person feels that then there’s an issue so we went and saw
a marriage counselor she’s actually a marriage counselor a family counselor
we’ve taken the kids there and she simply just helped them to learn how to
communicate and understand each other she’s a freaking rock star of of
counselors so oh and sorry for a man to actually really talk up this female
counselor you would think hey we’re going to a female counselor maybe she’s
gonna take more of the female side but she didn’t she called us out both of us
being able to read us and see what needed to come
so if you can’t communicate well with each other you kind of do need a third
party somebody from the outside looking in to start calling you out like hey
well why are you doing this or why aren’t you doing this or why does she
cry every time she tries to tell you how she’s feeling there’s a problem there
and I used to cry a whole lot because I was always afraid to say what I thought
because mark is so good with his words and he’s so smart and he just thinks
differently than I do understanding that men and women if we
understand that we each think differently we each communicate
differently alone to work that that helps a whole lot Wow that like just the
just the goldmine that you gave right there is huge for anyone I mean I was
going through the same thing not not a few years back just with a different
completely different relationship I just couldn’t speak my mind and I was
crying all the time I just didn’t know how to speak and it’s either it’s either
you get you start communicating or it just blows up it goes like it’s the
negative divorce happens separation happens oh it sounds like you and Mark
took the high road and for any mothers any women listening out there take two
meals advice if you need to seek counseling let’s talk a little about a
little bit about that it’s like you are also a mentor you also have an
educational platform and speak a little bit about your platform and how you help
people with the mindset of family first yeah so we teach people how to invest
and apartment buildings either passively or house you go out and buy them in a
group setting so we call our coaching program the family syndication group
because we work together as a family to take down these big apartment deals
nobody has to do it alone nobody has to walk through life alone we have people
out there that we just need to connect with find their value find what we’re
good at and learn to work together as a family to make things happen
so mark and I have different roles in our company right now he’s pretty much
the only coach we do have like other students in the group that we’ve raised
up to be kind of like big brothers like a family would be where you know newer
or younger siblings might feel more comfortable talking to a big brother
about questions maybe they feel as stupid and they don’t want to waste the
mom and dad’s time we’re creating this real full family structure in our group
and I love it and I’m trying to create more of a
close-knit community so I want to start talking to our big brothers and teaching
them how to communicate with the other members so that it’s kind of like no
family member left behind you know how easy it is to kind of be a part of a
group and feel like hey if nobody’s reaching out to me maybe they don’t care
yes mark mindset of is hey everybody get off your butt I’m providing you the
tools you just do it and when you have a question come to me not everybody’s like
that I’m not like that if I have a personal trainer who’s not checking in
with me to see how I’m doing I think he doesn’t care
next so we need to learn to work together mark and myself with all of our
members to help them where they’re at not necessarily coddle them and hold
their hands and every step because they still have to do the work we all have to
do the work in our relationships and in our business to make things happen to
make things if you want something different in life or in business you
have to do something different but they don’t call that calls for action so
that’s kind of how we’re growing our group to be more family centric and we
are family you value so we do encourage people to try to bring their spouse
along on this journey with them the business is mostly men there aren’t as
many women so we’re really trying to help
for example our husbands to bring the women to the the meetings to the
conference’s it’s not just a sterile conference they’re going to network
they’re going to meet some of the other women and the wives in the group they
don’t necessarily have to understand the business fully but if they can get
involved even just now working with their husbands or the
husband’s come along with the wives or during the business and just be there
together as a unit you will be freaking rock stars in this business because
everybody has to be on the same page and in your marriage so whether it’s your
investing decisions where you live how you raise your kids all these things are
things that we have to learn how to work together and understand now mark was an
IT before real estate investing and he worked probably 80 to 100 hours a week
most of our marriage which was another complication for us right but I don’t
understand his IT stuff most the time after about a minute it would go like
this and I would shut out I might be hmm okay hmm no idea even when we went to
networking events what you were talking about so I didn’t really enjoy that
environment but love real estate most people interact with real estate to some
degree you live an apartment you live in a house you have some understanding of
it now you might not understand terminology but doing the business
together the more you go to a networking event the more you’re gonna pick up one
new word that’s all you have to think about it just learn one new name or one
new term and then each conversation you’ll pick up more and more it is truly
just like learning a new language one day at a time one step at a time one
word at a time well back to that one day at a time I
mean that that seems to be key in this but actually before I go on that bad
note and excuse me I love tangents I actually want to go back to what you’re
saying about husbands I’ve had husbands approached me and they’re like how how
did how did Jason get you into this I was like well we kind of got it got each
other in today’s this number one number two I it’s all about communication and
we talked about it we talked about the next steps of our lives together the
choices that we make are our responsibility right so how what would
you say cuz I know there’s some husbands some partners out there that are going
to be listening to this either the man or the wife whoever is in real estate
right now yeah how do you how do you get them to
talk with their partners about real estate and get them in like they want to
I would suggest starting off by taking onto a purely social um real estate
investing event a meet-up that is just there for networking not necessarily the
talk because they might be over one with that there’s always this time of year in
particular there’s Christmas parties and everything people are throwing with free
food and free drinks and it’s the easiest time to start meeting people in
the industry and mark and I were not very good mount workers when we started
this we work quite bad and we don’t want to go to the meetups but we would kind
of encourage each other like having an accountability partner like we know we
need to this was our goal we agreed on it together let’s just go and when we
would get there it’d be like okay who’s gonna make the first move and who are
you going to talk to and then he pushed me to go talk to them and he said really
like it’s like one day at a time it’s one thing one activity at a time so if
you have a introverted spouse they don’t really have to be extroverted they don’t
have to know the business I learned in my very first real estate investing
conference I attended during the breaks when I start shaking like oh my gosh
what do I need to know what are they gonna expect me to say cuz I didn’t know
what I knew and didn’t know at that time people just want to get to know you so
if you’re a stay-at-home mom be proud of it and talk about who you are and what
you’re passionate about and the other people will do the same they’ll talk
about who they are and what they’re passionate about conversations during
breaks and networking events aren’t always about the business sometimes if
they’re excited about the a deal they’re doing sure but even when I get together
even recently five or six of us ladies and that lived local to Dallas our
starting to get together on a regular basis and most even though we’re all in
the business most of us are just talking about life it’s kids and jobs and
schedules and maybe a little bit of husbands what we’re keeping it good
right seeing all right
but it just people want to be in community in relationships with other
people who have something in common and you go to a networking event and you’re
gonna find something in common with that somebody in the room outside of the
business so that’s what I just encourage you to do to try to get your spouse
involved to find something or another couple or somebody near you that you can
somehow make that soft connection to and then when they start feeling comfortable
with one or two people or one or two situations then maybe introduce them to
another idea of how you might be able to do it together now if a woman is a
stay-at-home mom and she’s got four kids and maybe she’s even doing a little work
on the side even the thought of picking up something else in addition to her
already busy schedule is tricky right but it’s also tricky when a man is
working 50 60 hours a week also wanting to try to do this business and invest on
the side if you want something better in life something else may be less valuable
needs to give in order to get you to that next level so whether it’s less TV
time maybe it’s less fictional novel reading time all those things you might
enjoy when the kids are napping or on your holiday maybe you pick up you know
the 4-hour workweek or one of those other books that people like to read now
about just mindset right what are your goals what’s your mindset what are you
trying to get better at in life that would be my suggestion that so many
golden words wisdom there basically what Amelia says make those
connections if you’re trying to get yourself out there get your spouse out
there ask them to make connections and use your story your story is your big
selling point we all have a story people want to connect with your story and find
the community and make those relationships and as you’re building as
you’re learning other things in your life have to give and I completely I
completely focus in on this because this is exactly what Jason and I are working
on we’re getting rid of those non important things in our life to fill it
with more important things like learning more about the business on a constant
basis because it’s always evolving so before I let you go I want to ask you
one more question for a mother or a woman who’s just starting out just
taking her first steps what’s some advice like one if you had to give her
one actionable step what would it be read something to me that’s the easiest
thing to do read some read a book if you enjoy reading or if you don’t have time
and you have commute time find at least one podcast you like listening to during
your commute so that you can fill yourself with knowledge the more you
hear like I said earlier the more you hear the terminology the more you see it
the more you’re gonna get comfortable with that concept with that industry the
more you’re gonna feel comfortable um in networking perhaps with your husband if
he is the lead on this I think that’s the easiest way to get started fantastic
and how can people get in contact with you they can reach me by Tammy my email
Tammy ta mi at think like th i NK like you’re thinking about something Tammy at
think multifamily dot-com very easy Tammy
ta mi think as in thinking multifamily dot-com well to me I thank you so much
for coming on today I’m so grateful and for any of the mothers out there that
are listening and you want to get a hold of Tennille please please contact her
and have an amazing day I’m so grateful by now I thank you

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