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Jordan Peterson On Feeling Guilty, Inadequate And Self-Conscious

Jordan Peterson On Feeling Guilty, Inadequate And Self-Conscious


…like, people have a lot of guilt. You know, there’s a line of social psychology, that claims, that most people feel, that they’re better than other people. And… like, I just don’t buy that, that isn’t what I’ve seen in my life. And, maybe it’s.. I’m a bit biased,
because I’m a clinical psychologist, and I see more people, who are overtly
suffering – maybe – than people do in general. Although I’m not so sure about that, you know, because – you don’t have to scratch very far
beneath the surface of most people’s lives, before you find something truly tragic. A-and I don’t mean that sort of tragedy, that you whine about, I mean… you know, your mother has Alzheimer’s,
or your best friend commited suicide, or you have a close relative with cancer,
you have a sick child, or, you know, there’s something wrong with YOU, because almost everyone has at least one really terrible thing wrong with them. And if you don’t – hey, you will.
So, you know… [audience laughter] So – no, that, that… (x2) That tragic sense of being is there with people all the time. And it’s also the case, that – in my experience – like,
I rarely meet someone, who says: “Hey, you know… I’m doing everyting I possibly can, I’m a hell of a guy, and I can’t see, how I could possibly improve, you know?” You meet… you meet someone like that,
and you think they’re narcissistic, right? And you’re right!
And- but, but… But most people don’t feel that way! They feel, like they could do a hell of a lot better than they are. And they’re quite acutely aware of their faults,
and they don’t feel, that they’re what they should be! And, you see, what happens in the story of Adam and Eve as well, is that when people become self-concious, at least that’s how it looks to me, they get thrown out of Paradise,
and then they’re in History. And History is a place, where:
there’s pain in childbirth, and where you’re dominated by your mate, and where you have to toil like mad, like no other animal, because you’re aware of the future. You have to work and sacrifice the joys of the present for the future – constantly! – and you know you’re going to die. And you have ALL that weight on you. And to me, again, that’s just-
How can anything be more true than that? That’s just, as far as I can tell,
that’s just how it is, for… Unless you’re naive beyond comprehension,
there’s something about your life, that- that- that is echoed in that representation! And why it is, that.. I mean, we’re such strange creatures, because we don’t
seem to really fit into being, in some sense. And that’s also what’s expressed
in the notion of The Fall. We… the existentialists said: “Well, people feel like they
have a debt, that they have to pay off to Existence.” For the… for the crime of their…
For the crime of their being. Something like that. And maybe it’s because we’re acutely aware, that we have to offer something of value to the people around us, so that they can tolerate us, you know,
while we’re going about our business. But it seems deeper than that! It’s that, human beings seem to exist in a post-cataclysmic world! And, that’s exactly also what’s represented
in Genesis. And it’s very interesting, because, you know, there’s- In the Adam and Eve
story, there’s two catastrophies, essentially. There’s the catastrophe that occurs, when Adam and Eve wake up, which we’ll talk about in detail, and beome self-councious,
and know that they’re naked, and their eyes are open, right?
So, that’s the terminology that’s used. And “to have your eyes open” means to have a…
an increment in consciousness, essentially. Cause eyes are associated with conscoiusness for human beings, cause we’re intensely visual animals. And so, the metaphor of “having your eyes opened”… means… is the same as the metaphor of coming to consciousness! And as soon, as Adam and Eve come to
consciousness, they realize they’re naked. And, you know, the classic interpretation of that,
is that it has something to do with sexual sin. And, I don’t… I don’t believe that!
I don’t believe that’s what it means. Although there are elements about that, that are relevant. It’s more that, to realize that you’re naked…
It’s like, you’re- You know, if you dream that you’re naked and on a stage, in front
of people – that’s not a sexual dream, man! Unless you’re some kind of strange exhibitionist, right? It’s, it’s- You wanna cover yourself up, and get
the hell off that stage as fast as possible! And so, to be naked in front of a crowd, is to have everyone… it’s to have the judgement of the Social World focused on your… self-evident inadequacies. And that makes people self-conscious,
and that- that’s a real human state. It’s associated with neuroticism in the Big Five
trait model, but – people don’t like that, at all! They don’t like their fragility and vulnerability exposed to the group. It’s one of the two major fears of people. Cause one is social humiliation, and the
other is something like mortality and death. And, like… heh. Your- your typical agoraphobic, for example, gets
to have both [of] those fears at the same time. Because she (it’s usually a “she”), tends to believe, she’s going to have a very spectacular and exhibitionistic heart attack in a public place, and make
a terrible fool of herself, while she’s dying. So… And that’s a good example of the two archetypal
fears, that characterize human beings. [a sip of water] [closes bottle]

Comments (99)

  1. [a sip of water]
    [bottle closed]

  2. Just curious has this guy ever tried to treat a combat vet?

  3. My brain be looking like the Rock after watching JP

  4. What about the fear of being thrown out of the nest?

  5. 좀 더 길었으면 좋겠다ㅠㅠ

  6. If you take the adam and eve story as anything but a fairy tale, you're a moron. There is no other way of putting it.

  7. You know, Jordan Peterson is a low-key esoteric theologian. It's obvious that a lot of his lectures tie into some biblical story or lesson.

  8. "We have to offer something of value to the people around us, so they can tolerate us".

    That quote is a near perfect representation of the human condition.

  9. i totally agree with Jordan Peterson everyone`s life have a intense tragedy

  10. The main reason why I hate life (mainly mine) is that celebrities just makes me feel tiny compared to them. I just hate “big” people (celebrities, huge animators, etc). It’s not that I’m comparing myself to them, but that…they just exist, it just hurts me to my core. I DON’T HATE HEM for who they are, but I do for their TITLE. I now stress drink (booze), and never sleep for maintaining my stress. Now, my sanity is just toppling over as time resumes. Just…why. And family doesn’t help me, because (in reality) they aren’t worth more or less than a regular person, we’re all human. Yet some people have more credit and reputation than others. Like…I don’t want to BREATHE anymore!!!!

  11. So, if you can accept your fragility (not approve of it, per se, but acknowledge it for what it is), that lessens the degree to which you fear it being exposed.
    In this sense, measured self-acceptance (not approval ) is a powerful catalyst for change; not the insane idea as he expresses it in the same lecture.

  12. Many times we have been guilty of viewing our future challenges as the sunset of life rather than the sunrise of a bright, new opportunity. – John C. Maxwell

  13. I one day dream of being able to have a one-on-one discussion with Mr. Peterson some day. Either in a professional or casual setting.

  14. Spot on, mate..

  15. Man I love this guy.

  16. It's only knowledge…and exp..that makes u worthy…

  17. My immense suffering began in Afghanistan whilst fighting the taliban but only exponentially increased when coming home to a wife who had a lack of understanding and compassion. I used pills to make me feel human again. I saw the danger in it and asked the army for help which I got none of and was publically humiliated in front of hundreds and then kicked out like a broken piece of machinery. I'm doing better now, I own a home, am sober and have a daughter but sometimes the past insidiously creeps back in.

  18. are you a christian/believer?

  19. Bro the captions said “Sip of water” LMAOO

  20. Jordan Peterson saves lives.

  21. Ah shit, I haven't had a tragedy happen to me. Someone, quick, take me apart psychologically so that I can defensively negate any meaning in life including my life, and your criticism and cinism, which would enable me to survive and also suffer indefinitely, whereby my suffering could exist for its own sake, justifying my lack of initiative to get my life in order.

  22. So we are too self deluded as adults?

  23. 배우고 갑니다

  24. So, a man will ONLY change and stop being a narcissist IF he falls in love with you?! That's the cure?🤔

  25. This man kept my head up through everything in my day my parents couldn't. Through my bullies in school to my heartbreak to my insults in social life to anything and everything bad that happened.

  26. I love this guy, he gets it.

  27. My wrath outweighs my guilt. . . .

  28. The fruit gave Adam and Eve fear/anxiety

  29. Is his suit black or red?

  30. To be concious, you need to be aware of your vulnerability , being vunrable is a qlty it's how we connect, just don't people exploit them

  31. Nakedness and…needs, I'm guessing on the 'needs' part. (Check this sentence idea, please! Does it make sense, or no?: )Human 'beings' can't socially act like animals without being seen criminal or stupid. (It's not like animals 'laugh' at things they get scared of…wait, that doesn't make sense all the way.) We get judged by not just another, others, but ourselves even…I don't know…if maybe this is about…when someone does judge us we know it hurts. Uhmm, wait…need to gather my thoughts.

    In God's garden, God was there with Adam and Eve. The devil had fallen, and I am suspected got jealous (perhaps, or some other ~feeling, the devil has feelings, question mark? or nah?). Not only was there Adam, but there was Eve too! And I don't know it the devil choose to deceive Eve because she was "easier" or because she was not of the same 'generation' as Adam. Eve was made after Adam. And Adam made by His God, His Maker. Eve was made from a rib of Adam. She didn't "steal" life from Adam, but God made her from him.

    What the devil did to Eve was along the lines of E X T ortion. ( see ex tort ion definition video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qGNAAephuk, also check out 'robbery' and a blog that distinguishes E X H orta tion https://truth-stands-alone.blogspot.com/2010/10/exhortation-vs-extortion.html). Yeah, it's a lot to go through, but it is interesting. I am still confused on how the 'interaction' between the devil and Eve ~affected and started this whole seeing thing, this whole conscious thing.

    Combined Scripture from Genesis Chapters Two and Three, Verses Fifteen to Twenty-Five in Chapter Two and Verses One to Seven in Chapter Three. (hey…you could always just read both chapters if you already have a bible, nudge, nudge.)

    And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.
    And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden? And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.

  32. I’ve caused much suffering to others, and the guilt is overwhelming. I’ve contemplated suicide many times

  33. Jordon you should dabble in some conspiracy theories for awhile, do some step back from reality fun time, interesting the things you might find. 🙂
    Another great lecture here 👍 outside stimulus only has the power you give it.

  34. Mostly from inadequacies in skill talent capability capacity method technique and/or ability.

  35. I feel just fine.

  36. FUCK. Zoned right in on me there.
    "The agoraphobic believes she – and it's usually a she – will have a heart attack induced by humiliation in public and make a fool of herself while she's dying."
    The part that freaks me out the most?
    My name is Jordan.

  37. Sometimes those experiencing tragedy become pariahs due to that tragedy. Sometimes I wonder if my cancer is contagious. After you’ve been in position of being others responsibility too long the buck starts to be passed around. Treatments start to be missed when rides become impossible. You get to where you’re more of a burden than you care to be a part of. You don’t want pity, you don’t want to hurt anymore and you don’t want to hurt others anymore. You just want it to be over.

  38. Unless you are naive beyond comprehension…

  39. I falling in love with this man.

  40. It's all about accepting what is/was. When you believe the past is more important than the present, you can't help but to experience guilt or regret.

  41. Oh shit he just described me at the end

  42. Lol is that a sodastream bottle?

  43. I'm the opposite of an agoraphobe because when I think I'm gonna have a heart attack I go out into public cause theres always a chance a doctor is passing you in public and will be able help lololol

  44. 4:51 every kid with a hydro flask

  45. Why not offer a piece on Chiristianity, Jordy, and how they've served to double the suicide rate among gay teens by pointing fingers at them, ostracizing them, shaming them, and marginalizing them – setting them up as targets of hate and violence and causing them to feel guilty, inadequate, and self-conscious? Or is the hateful, divisive belief system your sacred cow and off limits for any criticism? You wouldn't be a world class hypocrite like every other Christian apologist, would you?

  46. Social humiliation is really terrifying

  47. I feel personally attacked by the title of this video 😂

  48. That's pretty much my life.

  49. Why is this guy always spot-on?

  50. My summary of the video: Everyone feels guilty, indequate, and self-conscious except for some narcissistic people.

    I guess what he's trying to say is most people feel inadequate with themselves so it's natural but it's our way of trying to improve ourselves since the curse of Adam and Eve. It's a bit of a Christian perspective, which I actually agree with since I am a Christian.
    I guess the solution is to act through gratitude of Jesus' sacrifice once you believe. (which I may not be doing a good job of…)

  51. Adam and eve (peace be upon them) were not throne out of paradise because they became self-consious, it's because they ate from that tree which the almighty have forbid them from eating from.

  52. I suddenly feel terribly guilty for the actions Ive taken. Drugs, antidepressants and abusive relationships. All were a crutch. Ive wasted my life and Im quite intelligent. Ive leant on people whonhave compassion for me but they dont actually care about me. Please pray for me.

  53. “It’s usually a she” alright sexist

  54. How about annoyed. Like really, really annoyed.

  55. I am whatching this video naked. Infront of my window… My nigthbor sees me. …. Im waving at him…. But its not my hands. Am i fucked

  56. Man exists in a fallen state.

  57. If you're feeling insecure, you should sit down and talk about feeling. With someone who cares.

  58. The story of Jordan Petersons life!

  59. I have a question
    As JP says like “the world owners are those who have a weapon but keep it sheathed”
    So well, after analyzing my life and why I fail I got to the point that I have to learn to handle conflicts and hard situations. I was not sure I’m the one who has a weapon, or at least I didn’t know how to use it. So I decided to try and started to engage into conflicts. And I was fucking terrified every time. Even before starting. And the reason is that I was afraid that stuff will get personal and will turn into a fight. Telling so cause my childhood was full of such things, fights and people who were trying to intimidate me. Thus, I wanted to have a battle and to feel my strength. So I got to the point I have to engage into a physical fight to conquer the fear of it. And I contacted my enemy of now and started to provoke him and intimidate him. He tried to show off but sort of rejected a fight offer, even though he was threatening me recently.
    Every time I was doing such things I was shaking.
    Now maybe it became better but I realized I’m trying to control people around.
    So my last thought was coming to the point that I sort of have to fight to have a weapon and then when I will feel it, I’ll have to keep it sheathed sort of.
    Anyway, many thoughts of this start to ruminate, kinda like I have to engage into a fight and I’m scared of a consequences.
    Maybe I’m getting something wrong.
    Help!

  60. He’s so brilliant, I could never thank him enough.

  61. I've been watching Jordan Peterson videos for about two years. I am often seeing videos where he repeats himself, but this one is one of its kind.

  62. [a sip of water]

    [closes bottle]

  63. Can someone provide me with a summary of what he explains in this video . THANK YOU

  64. Jordan Peterson is a great comedian

  65. No disrespect but is this guy the voice of Kermit the frog

  66. More awesome words of wisdom from the master. Thank you Dr. Peterson. You've changed my life for the better. You're a gift from God.

  67. Eve was naked. Pics or it didn't happen.

  68. Spits bars then drinks water, that's JP

  69. Once again a good lecture exploring the human psyche and trying to explain NZ who we are and the reasons why we believe what we believe

  70. Thanks a lot for all the knowledge you are producing, I have finished my phd, I have never heard of you before that, but writing about the self was my own way of improving myself behaviour, becoming determined of my goals in life, and I have conducted a phd on this. You helped me indeed to be confident on my findings and the way I communicate them.
    Bless you
    A Muslim woman following your thoughts. What I respect more is your respect of religions this shows how balanced your thoughts are!
    Thank you.

  71. I made two obvious mistakes at work today that i shouldn't have made, I'm better than that. Or at least, i thought I was, the end result proves that clearly i wasn't, I missed 2 expired items in an area I'm supposed to be responsible for. And I neglected to scan two chip bags a customer was purchasing along with a large order. By all rights I should be fired and if I am now, I'd understand as to why.

  72. Always felt self conscious.

  73. Agrophobia is terrible

  74. Please come to Italy!

  75. His view of the world is so depressing. This is the Internet so people will say deal with it and that’s just cause you’re weak and you have to deal with that stuff and so on and whatever they can do to infer your inferiority to them. But for a lot of people they don’t seem to be living in the hellscape existence he portrays, like their entire lives. For him life is just suffering and heavy responsibilities and being stoic enough to just suffer through it while sort of working through any issues, and happiness is a sort of frivolous side thing that you must earn through great pain if at all. And no, it everyone had some horrible thing wrong with them. And there’s no way you’d know that anyway. There’s literally not one thing where he’s like, ‘oh yeah, this will help and things are good.’ He’s like the CNN of speakers, just all crises and death. I know all of his fans will attack me for saying that and blame me as that’s what the Internet is for but he’s extremely demotivating. Feels like there’s no point in even building civilization further, everything is just push your problems down so they don’t annoy others, ignore what you want to do so you can work at a hard stable job, embrace how horrible you are and always be aware of it so you don’t go evil at any time. Life is mostly suffering so you know, have fun out there.

  76. Sometimes this man be simply speakin facts about the reality around us and ppl somehow astounded by what he says, theyre that blimd

  77. my English is getting better.. watching his videos…thank Jordan Peterson

  78. In regards to social humiliation.
    When I was in highschool I went to a party with my friends, it came across as a party anyone could go to that at least was friends with people going. So I went. Everything was fine among a party of 15 total men and women. When the host came downstairs she looked at me and said "Who invited you Dave?" Anyways she apologized about 5 min later.
    It was one of the most embarrassing situations in my life (I know it could always be worse lol) Me and her had no bad history. Had one class together maybe a year earlier. It was about 18 years ago and it still bothers me today to some degree. Causes me anxiety in certain situations, and till this day, I never invite myself to anything unless it's family.

  79. Peterson is still a junkie in rehab and his daughter is officially an e-thot. Some deep thinker ya got there.

  80. 1:15
    And i think that the most of us feel guilty about that, so the question is, why we are not what we think that we should be ? Why we don't do what we think that will make us happier ?? And why we keep wasting our free time (on Facebook, Netflix…) that we don't even love (and maybe we know that we will feel guilty after doing that, and we do ) instead of doing what we think that can make us better than what we are ??

  81. I have the stupidest guilt I guess but I will share it with you guys nonetheless.. Basically I've been playing lol nonstop during Christmas that it fucked up my sleep cycles. I would go to sleep in the morning and wake up at night. So now that my university studies started again I have missed a day because of it. I tried to fix it by going to sleep earlier but only slept for 2 hours and then I was just staring up at the ceiling. So when morning came I was exhausted and said fuck it I'm not going today. This makes me feel guilty since my parents are paying for my studies and I feel like I'm letting them down. I know it's a normal thing to do and that many people my age do this many times but I can't stand the guilt even if I haven't done it many times before.

  82. It's my white privilege that makes me feel guilty.

  83. The guilt is unfounded.
    The inadequacy is a matter of accountability and may or may not correlate to personal responsibility depending on the circumstance.
    I can only see being self conscious as a good thing unless you're SO self conscious that it inhibits your ability to act.

  84. My very cruel abusive narcissist mother hated me. Told me that I was inadequate and that I could never do anything. Now she says, "Why aren't any of my kids doctors and lawyers?

  85. Good talk mixed with a little bit of Christian propaganda…

  86. damn Donny died in public of a heart attack.

  87. It's possible to think you're better than most people and still think you have room for improvement/significant inadequacies. This might be more likely to manifest in someone relatively disagreeable. Although this sense of superiority may be somewhat shallow rather than deeply rooted.

  88. I feel really over confident one day and then I hurt someone and then I feel like shit.

  89. I'm guilty of not caring about people. If they like me they like me, they don't they don't. At the same time I don't go around harassing people either or be an asshole. So should I feel guilty?

  90. Youtube..turn on sbsk comments !!!

  91. I can't stop listening to him. This kind of knowledge needs teaching at school as a major subject alongside English, science and math. No wonder society is messed up there is no education in how to live life.

  92. “Agoraphobes are typically a “she.” me, a 20 something female watching this who is a socially anxious agoraphobe

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