I love my kid, but I understand where my mom’s coming from Cause he’s at that age Right when he turned 12 That’s when he just stopped taking care of himself And that’s when I stopped taking care of him Cause that’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re a parent 12? You should know how to brush your teeth now… You know what do to Jo But now that I ignore the fact that he doesn’t brush his teeth I have to… Fucking… Deal with the… The breath… The breath… It… It comes in hot Hot… And he’s breathy when he talks Dad Dad Dad I’m like Jo, what’d I tell you do when you talk to me? What’d I tell you to do…? Face the wall Face the wall and write it down Let me read what the fuck you’re trying to say to me Armpits… Goddamnit Armpits… Smell like chopped onions And I always get mad I’m like Jo, why do I smell it first?! I’m over here… You’re right… Fucking here I grab the deodorant every time Jo, this is all you got to do You just rub it under this armpit, like that… That’s all you gotta do! And now listen to me, here’s the important part… When you go to the other armpit… I want you to go across your mouth… Just dirty! My son’s dirty! He loves it He thinks it’s the funniest thing Still doesn’t know how to sneeze correctly… Are you kidding me?! My friend had a daughter that… The same time I had my son And she’s been cute her whole life When she would sneeze, she’d announce it I gotta sneeze mommy… I need… I need a napkin Her mom would run over with a napkin… Here ya go baby… Put your nose in the… In the napkin I gotta sneeze mom… I gotta sneeze… Fucking beautiful… Glitter When my son sneezes No announcement His face just explodes… Mid-conversation It always happens at the restaurant… Like dad, did you see how many points… And then I still help him I grab a napkin Here, wipe your face Jo… Cuz I’m a good dad Let me do that with my mom when I was a kid Shit… At the dinner table Mom, can you pass the… Are you fucking kidding me? Are your hands broken when you sneeze? When you sneeze, you can’t use your fucking hands? You could not go like that? Now there’s boogers on the chicken! You’re eating all the booger chicken, Josep All of that is yours… Enjoy! Boogers… And chicken Delicious, huh?