[MUSIC PLAYING] I’m feeling my thighs. Hello. That’s the worst way to
start off a conversation. What’s going on? Nothing? Good, because I got a story. And here we go. There was a wall in my
old apartment complex that, at times, felt like
there was no wall there. I could hear everything
my neighbor was doing. And I mean everything. The guy with a douche canoe. He was a douche canoe, man. And he was the worst. He was the worst. I thought he was a
hitman, actually, because he looked like a
thrift store Jason Statham. And he was always in a bad mood. Always had a bag of
chips on his shoulder. I could hear through
this paper-thin wall when he had parties, when he was
watching Jean-Claude Van Damme movies, when he was– I heard
one time he had the hiccups. I could hear him
have the hiccups. I also could hear when, uh,
he would have relations with, uh, you know– And that crap sounded like
two diseased rhinos hopping on a pogo stick together. So I’m sleeping one
night, and I get woken up to what appears
to be, you know, two velociraptors starting
a metal band on a bed frame. And– So I do something. Something that I probably
shouldn’t have done, but, you know. So I take my shoe, and I,
uh, tap against the wall. You know, let ’em– hey, hey. Geppetto’s workshop shuts down. I don’t hear a thing. That’s when I hear
him shout, quiet down! What? Excuse me. I didn’t think my
gentle prance of my shoe would interrupt
your noise-making. So I take my shoe, and
I tap the freaking– I tap the crap out of that wall. I tap– I just go tap, tap,
tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap! Tap. You know what’s on tap? A bunch of taps. Then he shouts, I’m
going to beat your face in if I hear one more tap. One! One! And the lady chimes in, she’s
like, yes, we’re sleeping. I was sleeping. I know what sleep is. What that– what you
were doing was not sleep. That crap is two-player Jumanji,
which they started back up. I was at the end of my rope. So I do something. Something that I probably
shouldn’t have done, but. I make an ad on Craigslist. And I put his address down. Billions of ads on Craigslist
go unnoticed all the time. This was just me passive
aggressively venting. You know, I’m not
the first person to do something like this. I’m not gonna be
the last, either. So it’s, uh– so, uh, next
day, I get home from work. And I start hearing loud
noises, like doors slamming, a little bit of yelling. I don’t know what’s–
I can’t make it out, I just know that it’s just loud. He’s– and that’s
the guy, you know, that’s the norm
for Douche Canoe. He was just a loud person. That’s when I hear him
yell, I don’t have an owl! I should probably tell
you what the ad was about. The ad was that he had
inherited a rare Russian hawk owl named [INAUDIBLE]. And [INAUDIBLE] loved
ice cream sandwiches. I put down that whoever came and
gave [INAUDIBLE] the most ice cream sandwiches to win
over [INAUDIBLE] heart, he would give [INAUDIBLE]
over, because he can’t stay in this apartment
because it was too loud. You know, he’s– Which was a slight jab. I was hoping that
it was so subtle that he wouldn’t pick it up. I also put down
that he might act like he doesn’t know
that he has this owl, and that’s because you
have to say the password. So in order to see
[INAUDIBLE], you had to perform this password. And the password
was that you had to throw– you had to throw
a bunch of glitter in the air and say– and say, magic. You had to throw this glitter
in the air and shout magic. So I run outside, and I see
a small line of people just walking in this guy’s house. I left about the time that I
heard someone shout, magic! Later that night, I hear
some banging on my door. I tread softly to the peephole. I look through. [HEAVY BREATHING] Douche Canoe. He is breathing so intensely. I’m assuming that he saw my
jab, because he was convinced that it was me, right. And he would be right,
because it was me. So you know, he keeps pounding
and just, did you do this? Did you do this? I have been turning
people away all day looking for this flipping owl. I know it was you. I know it was you. Open this door now. Open this door. Oh, man, he wanted to Hulk
smash someone’s face in. There was only really one
way– one way out of this. So I do something. Something that I probably
shouldn’t have done, but, uh. There was a set of clubs,
golf clubs, next to the door. So I grab one upside down. And I’m gonna freaking– I’m
gonna hit him with the idea that I was blind. I could do this. I could pull this off. I can pull this off. Chances of him
hitting a blind man? Pfft. What, like that? So I opened up the door,
and I, like, looked straight up to the clouds, right. But I could still see him. I could still see his stupid
douche canoe face, right. This guy, he is covered–
covered– in glitter. It’s like nobody even did
the ice cream sandwich thing, and just threw
glitter on this guy. [LAUGHING] And I say, what
can I do you for? And I tap the ground once
with this flipping golf club, like an upside down golf club. And, uh, I’m trying to
sell this thing, right? And then that’s when
I remembered, like, what he said to me. And that’s when I said, so
you gonna beat my face in? I could tell his mood instantly
changed, like, uh, oh, oh, crap. The guy’s blind. However, I realize
that I had totally given myself away to
the fact that I was not blind by saying that. I don’t think he knew
that I gave myself away. He, like, cleared his throat– [CLEARING THROAT] I think there might have been a
little bit of glitter in there. And he walks away. I think he actually moved
out a couple weeks later. Because it was quiet. I didn’t hear anything. It was probably
because of the glitter. That crap frigging– that
crap’s probably still there. Pause for end-of-video hotness. [HEAVY BREATHING] This is not what I had in mind. [LAUGHING]

Comments (100)

  1. Such a looooong story

  2. This is so awesome…

  3. I can't believe I have only just found your channel! I wish I had found it sooner!

  4. So I did something that I…..shouldn't have…..done…..*slowly smiles*

  5. Douche Canoe? Final Space, ha

  6. I've said this on many videos but… BEST INTRO EVER

  7. What if Olan made a parody of that new Jack Black movie and called it "The House With The Douchecanoe in its Walls"

  8. i would have moved out or got earplugs

  9. He probably still lives there but it’s just all the layers of glitter that are covering the wall that makes it soundproof 😂😂

  10. There was a wall?!?!?!?! In an apartment?!?!?!?! Nani?’!?!?

  11. So I do something, something that I prolly shouldn't of done but…😈😈😈

  12. I love your story's please tell more in the future

  13. You know, you look like Flinn Rider from Disney's Rapunzel… Lol

  14. I love this human

  15. I start cackling every time he talks about lil' Pepe…. haha

  16. I see where the douche canoe reference in final space came from now.

  17. I love these stories!

  18. You good sir had just got me to spray water out my nostrils…
    You have gained a subscriber

  19. U r so funny❤️❤️❤️🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂🤩

  20. He kind of sounds like jack black

  21. This is my first Olan Rogers video. I came here from his portrayal of Box Death in Oscar's Hotel, and MY GOD HE'S AMAZING

  22. And I just looked up into the clouds, and said to his douche canoe face, “What can I do for ya?”

  23. Olan you are brilliant and talented and the best storyteller I've ever seen. These make my day EVERY. time. ! 🙂

  24. You really didn't give yourself away. The tapping that he heard previously could have been your upside down golf club tapping the ground he wouldn't have known. Great story.

  25. Came back to your videos after watching Final Space and you are so great

  26. OH MY GOD! you are The Gary HAhahhahAHHAhahahHAHAhahha

  27. It’s douche canoe lol

  28. I just LOVE the glitter MAGIC password xD

  29. Dude you are the Jim Carry of the internet

  30. It is indeed the worst way to start a conversation xD

  31. I'm not a dushe canooooooo!!

  32. This made my day. Thank you!

  33. Someone needs to do an animated version of this 😂😂😂

  34. Olan is probably the greatest evil genius there has ever been on YouTube



  37. I’m sick as frick and my diabetes is acting up. So of course it entire body is panicking because I can’t have a common cold without my diabetes freaking out. I feel like a phat pile of crap and I’m just watching your videos while laying in bed with a cup of tea and it’s making me smile and giggle. Thanks.

  38. Two-player Jumanji….🤣🤣🤣

  39. If u were sleeping, why u have shoes on

  40. 340 people lined up to see the owl lol

  41. "something that I shouldn't have done but….. *smiles slowly*"

    That got me laughing hard. >XD

  42. I really wanna know if this story is real or not

  43. Please oh please i want to see this one animated

  44. Me and my mom literally quote this all the time. Also your Bad Apple story, we go around going “-fondling SEEEeeeeeeeeeeeEEDS”

  45. Ilan did a lot of things he shouldn’t have done in this video!

  46. you remind me of jack black

  47. I’m feeling my thighs… HELLO!

  48. Where I live now I'm currently having that issue. My neighbors lady of the night sounds like an orangoutang getting a bikini wax.

  49. Two player jemanji!!! XD

  50. Honestly, this guy makes me think of jack black, chris pratt, and any good storytime animator.

  51. My dude, you are freaking funny.


  53. This one needs to be animated

  54. Everyone tap that like button

  55. Named "INAUDIBLE" XD

  56. when douche canoe sees this video he is probobaly gonna punch the wall down like the hulk

  57. The solution to a problem with a neighbor is to make an ad on Craig’s List, remember that children

  58. J A S O N S T A T H A M

    P E T C H E E T A H

  59. Lol I love how he smiles every time he claims to have done something stupid


  61. 1:45
    Same face


  63. This is one of my favorite stories. (:
    Oh and the one part where he's just saying a light version of what sex is. That's awesome.
    "Two rhinos jumping on a Po-Go stick………………………….Together."

  64. Still great 4 years later played a snippet of this to try to show passive aggression to my roommate and his gfs loud coitus

  65. I love the beginning of this video

  66. Hahahahahhahahaah 4:08

  67. I hope his stories are real 😂😂😂😂😂

  68. Prank on craigslist is genius! XD 😎

  69. 😂😂😂😂😂😹😹😹😹😹👍👏


  71. "2 velosciraptors (spelling?) starting a heavy metal band on the bed frame" I love his analogies

  72. Olan: smiles

    sadness is removed forever

  73. Make more videos

  74. so… didn't the guy ever realize he was Olan, and wouldn't he then be even angrier… and be looking for mr. rogers?

  75. D O U C H E C A N O E

  76. Douche canoe? Where have I heard Douche canoe before?
    Oh yeah! In Final Space!


    I LOVE YOU!!!!

  78. I never realized in the beginning he was referencing the Joker from the Dark Knight in the beginning “And here we go” Makes hand gesture

  79. Another instance of The Tennessee Wonder-Child dropping the chief!

  80. This video is magic

  81. Olan Rodgers you are one of my favorite story time YouTubers and you can always put a smile on my face and make me laugh and this belongs on r/pettyrevenge don’t know if it would be in r/prorevenge

  82. Is this true? If so you win sir!

  83. And the award for the world's most infectious laugh goes to…

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