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ADOPTION??? DONE HAVING KIDS? Gentle Parenting, Patient Mom Tips, Working Homeschool Moms!

ADOPTION??? DONE HAVING KIDS? Gentle Parenting, Patient Mom Tips, Working Homeschool Moms!


(soft music) – [Kid] We were playing this game where we were seeing how high we could throw something and it got stuck on the roof. – Of this house? – [Kid] Yes. – Can you do that away from the house? – [Kid] I was. – I threw it and it accidentally… – [Kid] it was a toy dinosaur. I threw it and it it accidentally went this way and landed on the roof. – Okay, so this could be the beginning of our parenting video actually. Okay, well try to get
further away from the house. Okay, we’ve had, let’s just jump right in. (laughing) We’ve had so many interesting
things on our roof. This video, hi, we’ll do
the intro in a minute. It’s gonna be all about
parenting and behavior and such. We had so many interesting
things on our roof. And I had a man come out
to clean our roof anyway, ’cause we were growing some
things and he was throwing down like Barbie kitchen, Barbie
kitchen tools and shoes and I mean after we had
it cleaned, I went outside and there was like a
half a tuna fish sandwich like stuck to the side
in, and on it was a mess. And they were just like
joyfully throwing things, having fun, throw into the
fish sandwiches around. Anyway, but working on not
getting stuff on the roof. – Yeah, we had a child
throwing rocks again. On the roof, we had a broken
window from, they’re trying to see how far up on the
roof they can get it. – Yeah, I mean it’s innocent
enough, yeah, it’s like so. This is Tricia Goyer,
I’m Jamerrill Stewart. Welcome to my channel. Tricia and I have been
filming a bazillion videos you all know and love us by now, right? Yes, we gonna talk, we
got Tricia’s new book, “The Grumble Free Year” but
we’ve been hitting so many homeschooling parenting
marriage motherhood questions. This video is all the
questions we have received about parenting and
behavior, so get ready. This is gonna–
– You don’t have perfect kids? – I don’t have perfect kids.
– I’m shocked. – Tricia doesn’t have perfect kids. I don’t show everything on
YouTube, but I don’t talk about everything on YouTube
’cause it’s private. – And the same thing’s
like we don’t want our kids to have this for the rest of our life. – Right.
– All right. – Exactly, yeah, so we
obviously are delicate in that, but we can do general parenting behavior. No names will be used. I will not tell you who
threw the tuna fish sandwich, only have one of
Jamerrill’s invisible kids. That’s it, my children to that
my other children did not. So jumping right in. Okay, one of the questions
was about three year old behavior, do you remember
specifics from that? Yeah, I think it was whining,
she was talking about whining. Okay?
– Two, three. – Yeah, so three years
old, they know a lot more. They cannot always do
what they want to do. They want to communicate, they can always so we kind of get whining. They want to climb, they
wanna follow the big kids. They went to–
– Jump off the couch. – Do all the things and
physically they’re not able. So three a lot of the
whining, the complaining is because their minds has
grown, they can see all the things and so redirection
is a really good thing. – So that, she’s looking
at me ’cause she saw lots of redirection work, all the
come in with XYZ situation and I just redirect that back,
I think that actually satisfy comes from my years working
as a psychiatric nurse and redirecting patients. – No it is ’cause you get them, oh, did you see the ladybug on the window? – Oh, yeah let’s look at this things. – They’re like get up and look at that. And so a lot of that I mean,
I think instead of always jumping into you need to stand
in the corner or whatever discipline thing is, they
just need to be redirected. – I don’t know if you
can redirect too much, but I do love it.
(laughing) – Of redirection. And then also, one thing is we’ll say can you tell me about that? Like I understand you need
something either tell me about it, or I see you need help, if you ask it will help you. So they may be they are
having trouble putting on their shoes, so the whining
about it, if you ask me, I’ll help you, or sometimes you just say, I see you need help. So you’re giving them
that you’re understanding what they’re needing,
they just need to change their communication style
a little bit better. – Yes, and then going back
through and modeling in different situations like, well, no,
this is how we ask, or they’ll remember to say, oh, thank you or– – I will say, why don’t you
go out and try that again? So give them a second chance
to do over try that again. They come in and they asked the right way. And it is just a lot of
training, I don’t know. Like we know if they’re
not supposed to wine and that they should say
please, and thank you. – Okay, they are three. (laughing) It does happen, so special needs kids. Do you have any special
needs experience Tricia? Yes, well, our special needs
is, you know, ADHD, dyslexia, we do have, one of our children
has the auto immune disease, which just is medical needs,
so some special needs. What I didn’t realize is
that when you have special needs children, it
takes a lot of advocacy. You were out looking for the right doctor, the right therapist, and
because my first three didn’t have special needs, we just went on with the homeschool day,
so, you know, sometimes our schedule has been in
the past where we have a trauma therapy
appointment in the morning. So I have to have a
babysitter come in to read or do something with the other
kids, I could take this child to this therapy appointment or
we have doctor’s appointment with our daughter that
has an autoimmune disease. So know that, you know,
you could still homeschool, you can still do everything
in parenting that you need to do, but it’s gonna be
different, and but you are there for your child and
you’re gonna do your best and you’re gonna get all the
right resources and tools so it’s just an extra layer
and now I’m like applauding special needs parents,
’cause it is a lot more work, a lot more reading research
books and finding out the right tools and stuff, so it’s just
more of, hi, I’ve also seen like my kids have made
huge progress in so many, in their anger issues and
their learning disabilities. And my daughter’s health, for
a while she was very sick, and she was in foster care,
and now she’s pretty much can function and do everything ’cause we figured out things to help her. So just know that you are
your child’s, a person that’s gonna do all these
things, and it is extra work. So also, make sure you have
time for yourself and have time to try to get a support group,
which I know it is so hard, but you need that extra ’cause
you are doing extra work. – So one of our questions is how, as a parent, can you stay calm? And then also we were talking
about dealing with tantrums. So teach us about that function. – Okay, so for staying calm,
now again, with my older three, I didn’t really think I was
an angry mom or didn’t yell or raise my voice a lot,
because, I mean, there was some just normal kids stuff, but
I’m like, don’t do that. You know you always stay calm. It was different when we
adopted kids from foster care. There was a lot of anger and
there was the younger kids. Like, tantrums and throwing
things and saying things, but then teenagers, they’re
like shooting bullets with their words and their,
you know, just hurling words at you and in your face and
disrespecting you and I just found myself getting angry,
like you get back here, you can’t talk to me that way,
and you know, you think like, I’m here to help and I’m
not a help if I’m angry. And so I end up actually talking
to one of my kids therapist I’m like, I never used to be
angry, I find myself raising my voice more and really
struggling to stay calm. And she’s all well first
of all, you need to realize that when you’re in a
situation like that your body will react when you have a
child in your face screaming. On the, yeah, the fight or flight. Your body is gonna react so
your heart will start racing. You’re often your physical
clench up, you feel your jaw tighten, your body will
react ’cause it’s trying to protect you, and so just
know like, you can tell yourself, it’s okay, I’m
not in dangerous situation. And you know, there’s been times
my daughter has been raging and I’ll go and sit on her
sister’s bed, and I’m just waiting for her so we can
calm down and I’m she knows that I’m there when she’s ready to talk. And I’m not listening to the
word she’s hurling at me, ’cause when they’re in
anger, it’s not like, those are just, she’s
trying to get me mad. And so when I could control
myself, and so sometimes I’ll pick up a book and like
start reading it or something, when they’re angry, or when
their emotions are up, me trying to lecture or trying to teach
the right thing will not work. So like if this is their
brain and the anger is there, this is the thinking part,
they cannot think like, I was saying, when your
emotional brain is turned on, your thinking brain is turned off. So if you’re sitting there
trying to tell them the right thing to do in that moment,
when they’re emotional, it is not going to go through
so whether you sometimes you need to stay there, I mean,
for some kids, I knew I just needed to stay there, some
kids I just needed to give them space of kind of figure out
what that kids and then later, you could talk about it,
sometimes later that day, sometimes the next day like, what really was going on yesterday
when you were so angry. – Sometimes you had to come back. – Yeah, but trying to talk
about them in the moment doesn’t work, so just
reminding myself to stay calm, ’cause if I’m yelling,
or if I’m escalated, it’s first of all, setting a good example. Second of all, it doesn’t help things. And another therapist, a
different time, told me ’cause one of my children
would always do this, like she would say stuff,
and I’m like, she’s like, she’s trying to get me
mad, when I’m trying to discipline her or talk
to her about something. She’ll turn around and do
something to get me angry, say something about me
or to me, and she said, of course, because when you get angry, suddenly, it’s not about her problem. So all of a sudden, you’re
yelling at me, you’re a mean mom, because now it’s centered on
our anger or our emotions, we’re not dealing with she
sold her sister’s dollar or whatever, it get’s the
attention off of that ’cause now we’re dealing with you, and
then of course, I would go back and I would apologize for
my anger, and then it kind of the thing she did
kind of gets forgotten. So she’s like she, of
course, she wants to redirect it to you, so she’s trying
to get you mad, so it gets the attention off of her,
and she can be a victim. And so she’s like, first of
all, if you can stay calm, then you could deal with the
real situation, and also, we don’t want our children
to feel like they’re victims. Because she said, then she’s
that’s gonna be her comfort zone, through her life
she’s gonna find people to be a victim too, I’m like,
okay, we’ve known people like that, that they choose
bad relationships, they choose bad friendships and they’re
gonna always thinking of telling you their sob
story, we don’t want that. And so all of this is wrapped
around us taking gone. So now that we know the need,
just again reminding myself I need to stay calm or my
I’m safe, and you know, my body is safe, and if I
stay calm, I win, so it’s me about I could deal with her
situation or his situation. I win and then sending up a
prayer or if I need to walk away, if you’re following a
child angry, nothing’s gonna come good out of that, turn
and walk away, give it space know that you come back
to it later, you can talk about it later, you know,
sometimes I’ll talk to my husband and we can all sit down and
talk through the situation at a later time when there’s
not emotions involved. And that all helps, but first
of all has to start with us. – Yes, I know, there are
definitely been times where we’ve had a situation and then circle
back later to deal with it, to dive in and really talk about. – And there’s been times
where I’ve texted a friend and like, can you just pray
for me right now, like, I’m done with this child, and
one time I sat in the middle, there’s two girls that
were both mad at me. I sat in the other room and
just sat there and just prayed. I wasn’t praying a lot, I was
just praying, and it was like almost you could see the
volume going down, it was like, God was working hard. (laughing) – That’s why I go around
saying Jesus helps me, Jesus helps me.
(laughing) You know, well helped me Jesus. – Okay, so dealing with tantrums. So one thing with tantrums
or with any emotion so we’re talking about, of
course, we need to stay calm and then we give you a
situation later, but one thing with if you have a child
has struggled with tantrums or struggles with anger– – Hey, this now that I correct a child. Hey, Daniel, honey. Daniel, take that outside
sweetie to the porch. Because right now it’s too
loud, or do something different. Okay, we’ll see how that goes. (laughing) – So when you’re dealing with
a child that is maybe having tantrums or their anger,
they’re not able to control it. Again, it goes back to teaching
them the right thing to do, and teaching them how to calm
down like kids aren’t learning from other women knowing how to calm down. And so one thing that we
do is we create calm bags, and this is something
that therapists showed us. And so in a calm bag are
things that will help them calm down, and you teach this in a non confrontational moment. – I remember this in
their calming angry kid. – It is all in the calming angry kids. – Tricia has a book, not
“The Grumble Free Year” if I haven’t mentioned it in
this video, she has 76 books. So she has a book called– – “Calming Angry Kids.” – “Calming Angry Kids”, go ahead. – And so it’s a calm down
bag, and so we get the large Ziploc bags, you can use
paper bag, we’ll put playdough in there, if the older
kid that can read will put scripture verses, bubbles,
so bubbles are really good, because they’re breathing,
they, breathe in, blow, and they’re blowing bubbles,
sometimes just those little sand timers so that they could
look at, one of my daughters, we made a jar like of the old
those peanut jars and we put water in glitter so she gets
through it and look at it and it’s just something
to focus on, so they know when they start getting upset,
they can go get their bag, and they could do something
gum, some, the motion of the chewing helps them to calm down. – So does each have one have a calm bag? – They have the calm bag and
so they teach the, and so now they don’t have the
same level of tantrums, so I’m sure their calm bag
we’ve lost pieces out there. – Like several years ago. – So several years ago they
had and even last year, Nathan and I were taking the
kids to Orlando on the trip, I found some $69 round trip plane ticket. I’m like, let’s go do this,
and so before we went, I’m like okay, we’re all gonna
be on vacation, we’re gonna be flying, we’re gonna be in
a condo together, daddy’s not gonna be there, which
he’s a big company for us, so we were driving around in
busy Orlando, whenever being all together so there’s
probably gonna be times when your siblings are gonna
stress you out, you’re gonna be feeling angry or anxious,
anything new kind of makes them anxious too, so all the
kids from nine to 16 we made calm down bags and so
I slayed all it again. I bought all new stuff, and we
did all the fresh and stuff, and put the playdough and we
did stress balls and we said okay, these are your bags,
we took them on our carry on. When we left for the day for
wherever we’re going to the day we made sure, and if you got
anxious, so you’re training them ahead of time to know
what to do, and sure enough, I’ve been driving in that city. – And you talk through that?
– And you talk through it, and how to
use the different pieces. And so we’d be driving I’d
say team, but there’s ways in the stress ball or whatever,
so it just gives them ways to know how to act when
they feel like reacting. – Wonderful, okay, we could
probably roll into tips for sibling relationships. So we apologize a lot,
and we start over a lot. And we come back and we say things how they should have been said. We also I have an example I
used to my Invisible Children, (laughing) is I will say things like,
if that was a stranger on the street, you would have
spoken to that stranger nicer than you just spoke to
your invisible sister. So try again and say it like
how you would talk to say to someone you don’t know, ’cause we all after best for those we don’t know. So let’s treat each other
as well as we would treat a person we just met, so I say that a lot. (laughing) – And again, and some kids
will get along great, and some kids will kind of just, go
against each other, and so if we’re doing something
fun, that I know the kids will enjoy, I’ll try to
pair up the kids that I know don’t have the best
relationship to do it together. Because then they’re building
that bond, they’re doing fun stuff, and so or let them,
you guys pick out a fun movie we’re gonna go to together and
then it just builds the bond with each other, but some
personalities do clash more, than other personalities in
different seasons, they’ll go through where they might be
close, and then they might come apart and it’s just growing
pains, and that’s good to know now that I have adult children
they come back around. – And I have seen that in
some different relationships, where now it’s like, oh,
they’re like best friends now. This is beautiful, thank you, Lord. Yeah, it’s also beautiful to
watch their relationships. And now that I have one
adult child, I can see like his relationship with his 16
year old brother, you just see where like, they really
will be friends for life, you know, and they still need each other, and so when you have
more adults out there. – Yeah, and it is neat to see
that they all Skype each other and do stuff when we’re, one
of my daughters here visiting like the adult kids will
go out to dinner together and spend time together, it’s
funny, because I will say sometimes when they’ve had
conflict as adults, and will be like, well, that wasn’t
very nice when you spoke to me, but then they come back around,
like within three minutes, they were like okay, like,
yeah, you’re gonna have this, you know, it’s like any other
relationship where you have like some days you’re
doing, some days are harder. But what I love it’s just the
more you spend time together and building great
memories, they have that. – I was gonna say something
I’m think of is, whenever, if there’s been a lot of
grumbling, fault finding, complaining, whatever, and I
think we’ve touched on this a little bit, but the family
gameplay, I mean to do Ticket to Ride, to get out
monopoly, if you wanna work on relationships and how you act
will play a little go home to work game together, it really is a wonderful connected time. – Yeah, and when we adopted
from foster care, we adopted different sibling groups,
and so that was challenging ’cause you’re meshing
different sibling groups. – And so the trauma–
– And different traumas, yeah. And so sometimes it
trigger different things. But when we brought like the
older girls, they were like, we’re the siblings, and I’m only gonna buy Christmas presents for my
siblings, I’m like, well, we’re all siblings, don’t
stress, I mean, it took time. But now they totally see
each other like all of them are siblings, so it wasn’t
something like I needed to stress about or worry about, as
we build the memories. And as we spend time together,
those bonds will grow. We can’t expect them to
know each other two weeks and then feel like they’re
as close to that sibling as they did to the one that
they’ve known their whole lives, so just know that it you
know, over time if we’re doing the right things over time it will make a difference in the long run. – Have you, I know you
wrote, “Walk It Out.” Excuse us, we’re talked about
Tricia his books here, folks. Is that, did you, have you written any other books on foster care adoption? – I haven’t done.
– Or that book? That book talks about– – Walk about, “Walk It Out”
talks about like our call into foster care and adoption,
like I haven’t done a lot of I’ve done blogs on different
things for foster care and adoption, I haven’t
done a whole book yet. – So “Walk It Out” though,
is a good one, that’s like, I know that one has it, I have
that one back on my shelf. Okay, so one of the questions
that we got, which was fun, and it’s, I wrote it sideways,
so I’m gonna look like this. – That’s why we look like this. – So what if you’re done having
kids, this is what one mom asked us and then later,
you decide, you’re not, you then change your mind. – Okay, so–
– So what is that? – We kind of had that. We kind of have that, so I had
my third child when I was 22. Because as a teen mom them
and later married John and we had two kids right
away, so I was only 22, completely overwhelmed and
like we’re not having kids. And so we medically made
it possible also for that. Never make the decision when
you’re 22, you not allowed. – It’s hard. – Yeah, and then John was 25,
so I just think we were really young, later that you get
to a new stage, the kids get older, it gets easier,
we’re like, wow, we want new kids, well, then John
and I talked to adoption for many years, I was more
interested than he was, finally he’s like, yeah, let’s do this. So then we looked into
adoption, first international adoption, and then we did
private adoption and then foster care, but whether
you’re medically able or not, I think you know, the seasons
of life change so don’t always rule it out that
you’re done having kids. – Another question that
we got that I think pairs with this question is, does
life looked like what we thought it would look like pre kids? Okay, so for me before kids,
I thought ’cause I was an only child, I thought I would have
one child, and then I wasn’t quite sure when I was gonna
have time for the second one. So this is like the 18, 19,
20 year old mama thought where you had three kids at
22, at 22, I had one child. And I thought, well, now
he’s gonna go to school a few years, I’m going back
to work, when do I have this, the second one, and so
life changes, again, different seasons, so then
we added in the second one, and by that time, we did
feel the call to homeschool. And then I knew at the
second one, I was like, well, he’s so great, now I got two
great ones, so, let’s have few years later, it’s like,
well, let’s have another great one, and then when I
got to, so that was Naomi, so two boys and a girl,
and I didn’t feel done. I mean, people that’s for me
when like I was going through the stage of going into
Walmart with three kids and dealing with processing
other people’s reactions. So I had a six year old, a
three year old and a newborn, and I was having the time of
my life, but the woman I don’t know at Walmart was saying,
oh my goodness, you have your hands full, how do you do it? I’m thinking I’m, and I remember
one time saying probably didn’t sound the best tone,
but you know, I’m not the only woman in the world with
three kids, you know. And so, in my heart, I still
wanted more, and I thought, well, we’ll definitely have
one more, so we had Gabriel, our number four, and if
you’ve been watching my videos for a while, you probably know
my story on how we ended up going more for a large
family side of things is, I was pregnant with him, we
actually did have a brief season of doing foster care, we
were licensed to adopt the Lord just close those doors
for us as we got involved, and so when I had Gabriel,
the Lord used our time though, researching foster care,
going through our training, having some foster children in our home. That time really opened our
hearts to having a large family. I think I was 29 at the time
and so I had the, I went mentally to the place
of I have four children, ages nine and under, but
three kids and a baby. I have four today, but
tomorrow I could have eight. And you know, you’re ready to
and when you open your home like that, so when the Lord
just redirected us that that was not our foster care
season, I was like, oh, well, I wanna have all these kids, what if we just had all these kids? What if we just keep on having kids? So I had four my 20s,
had four my 30s, I’m 40. (laughing) Benjamin’s too. Well, we’re waiting but
and now they’re gonna wanna know this, but you all probably know this. I just stopped breastfeeding
officially in May. And so I’m finally back to
where things might be normal. So we’ll see, keep watching
these videos, stay tuned. But I will say the Lord
has been really stirring that adoption dream in my heart
and for so long and I know you can testify to this too,
for so long, it was just like on the shelf like, well, we
thought we were gonna do it in our late 20s, early 30s
you know, 10 years later, and I’m thinking, oh, that
dreams up there maybe we can take that down, so I know you
all have been watching Angie on this gathered nest just
adopted another domestic adoption, like right from the brand new. I have a mom at my church,
who she’s a single mom and she just adopted like,
straight from the hospital and I know I’m saying this
with joy and excitement. I do understand that
there’s pain and loss all the way through, and I think
Angie, if you haven’t watched this gathered nest, you
should go over there. – There you go. – She shares, I think she
bought, she buys this triangle necklace to give to the birth
mama as long as the birth mama wants that interaction,
and it represents her and the birth mom and the baby. – Oh, wow.
– I mean it’s just beautiful, poetic.
– Yeah. – So I will say that my
heart is stirred and I have another friend who’s adopted
from Ethiopia and another friend who’s on the list and
going to adopt from Haiti. So we just have a lot of
adoption then now I have, Tricia. Oh, then I have Daniel, thank you. Put that, good, thank you. A lot of adoption things stirring,
so I do believe that will be in our future and are
worth preparing for it. – Yeah, I think I mean, if
you feel called to adopt, adopt internationally, yeah,
you get so called newborn? Yes, if you feel called
to foster care, I guess, like there should not be
like, oh, you should do it this way, you should do it that way. – Exactly, anyway you’re– – Yeah also, it does not cost
to adopt for foster care, which is something we didn’t
know, and a lot of kids are already available for
adoption, which we didn’t know too, so sometimes you
think like, oh, I’ll have them and they’ll be take it
away, there’s kids out there that their parents rights
have already been terminated. And I’m Arkansas there’s
like 600 kids, just waiting to be adopted.
– 600 kids in Arkansas. – We took six, the 600, you
know, we’re pretty full now. But there’s often a lot of
states have heart gallery where you get to look at
photos and just let them know, you know, kind of what
you’re able to handle ’cause there’s special
needs and different things. – So that goes along, so for
what Gabriel’s rabbit trail, but the one question
was, does life look like what we thought it would
look like pre kids? I think it’s so much better, I mean, I couldn’t imagine all these. – Yeah, I couldn’t imagine. And at 19, 20 I mean, I couldn’t
and 22 you were overwhelmed you know, and I was like, how
do I have a second one yeah? – And adoption wasn’t even
in my thought when I was 22. As we grow things change,
God speaks to our heart, when I’m reading over and
over, pure religion assists to care for the orphans and
the widows, it’s like, okay, like, this is something– – God has told me about right, exactly. This one real quick on
the, we done having kids and you change your mind so just that. Yeah, it’s okay to change your mind. – It’s okay to change.
– And seasons change. Again, early on, I
thought, one, maybe two. Now I’m like, what, you
know, let’s get to 12 or whatever or no number, yeah. – Another question I guess,
how did your other kids handle your adopted, the adopted kids? I get that question a lot, and
I think our kids were older. So they all were almost grown
near to 16, when we adopted our baby, so it’s and I love,
they love the relationships with like we there’s no
competition because they’re almost grown, and it has been challenging when we’re bringing in
different sibling groups. And there has been
times when they’re like, why did you bring her here? She’s mean to me, there are
the struggles, but with that, if it’s relationship building
it was just, you get past those things, so just know
that there are those questions and the other struggles, now
our kids, they all do really feel bonded and connected, and
it’s been 2016 was our last adoption, so it’s been three
years it’s taken a while, three and a half years, so it’s
taken a while, but over time when you’re seeking God,
seeking relationships with each other, it does work out. – So what is one book besides the Bible, like maybe your favorite book? This is hard kind of
novelist, your favorite book. – Favorite, I love to read. – Now and then we’re in a
library, then we have a disease. You know, I buy 50 books at a time, so. – So I love, “The Hiding
Place” by Corrie ten Boom. – Oh, yes. – Such a good book. – Yes, I’m thinking “In God’s Underground” by Richard Wurmbrand. – No, I have never heard that one. – Oh my goodness, Tricia. (laughing) So, yeah, we’ve got “The
Hiding Place” over there. And Naomi and I were talking
the other day, we got to read through “The Hiding Place”
but yeah, Richard Wurmbrand, he started the Voice of the
Martyrs, and so you all know everything he is talking
about, but he was a pastor in communist prisons, he
testified before Congress over just the tortures that he
went through, Tricia probably read another Richard Wurmbrand,
but anyway, it’s fantastic. And like when they were
in prison, the similar to Corrie ten Boom tightened
experiences, but the Lord would like show up there
and the stones on the wall will turn to like diamonds
and like and they were living in total filth, but God would
show up and meet them there. It’s just, it’s fantastic. – Yeah, and I think both of
us pick books that people go through the hardest things
imaginable and God’s still there. And so that it’s just unclear you know. – There you go mom. (laughing) You can be in a prison and the
walls will turn to diamonds that means you can get up
and get this day going. Okay, and then patience, and
I just, I wrote the word, patience, question mark,
exclamation point, like how they get that so much.
– How didn’t you know that. – So somehow early on in my
motherhood, homeschooling your journey, I knew and probably
just from my own childhood as well, I know how
fleeting things are and how it’s important to take the
time that we have and invest it into our children, so I think
that has helped me some, not that I have perfect
patients not that I still have perfect patients, but I
really try to like my heart is every day to look at
this day, how can I make this the very best day for
my children and my family? And also just eating that
this is the day the Lord has made, we will rejoice and
be glad in it again and again and the paints peeling off
the house and this is the day that the Lord has made and
we will rejoice be just like living that and walking that out. The Lord has really done a work
in my heart and perspective on that, so when I am not
feeling patient, usually I am tired, or I’ve had
coffee and not eaten. I haven’t done that for
long time, but I had I did and I wrote about this I’m
sure even on “The Better Mom” I wrote an article, but
throwing my coffee pot away just like getting up having
coffee, going full steam ahead and then like it is a drug you
are loaded, I was loaded up on caffeine, I was trying
to get children out the door to church and so it just
resulted in me just doing a whole lot harder, and so I tried to look at, well, why am I not patient? Well, if I slept four hours,
you know if I’ve had coffee and not eaten, if I’ve spike
my blood sugar and crashed it you know, she’s sticking a lot
of things for me personally, it’s something I have done with
my self care that has gotten out of whack, and then I’m a grumpy mess. – Yeah, that’s so good and
reminds because I think about this too, so my
grandma was with us who’s 90, and always good to run
around, she’s lived with us for 20 years, so she’s
been there, all the stages, she’ll say, these are the
best years of your life. And I’m like, get over here,
when you get your shoes on. She was like, these are the best days. I’m like, really, these are
the best days of my life. This is the best but she has
perspective, and after a while, I’m like, okay, I could see
like all my kids are home. Like, you know, now that I have
a daughter living in Europe that I only get to see once
a year, I mean, it does help that we have all our kids here,
we are able to play a game, go on a walk, enjoy the sun
together, sit around the table. So realizing that the to do
list does not need to rule us and for you years, so right
when I was having three little kids, I went to my first
writers conference and started writing, and if we have something
like that, which we like, it’s enjoyable, it’s
work, but it’s enjoyable. We get satisfaction, it’s
like, oh, I just wanna rush through this, I could get over and write because I’m ministering to
the world, are doing which all that’s true, like it is
helping people, but for years, I had to pray to bring my heart
home, like there’ll be time later to work on more
books or to do this later. – And same way you do at 76. (laughing) You’ll spend off some time,
yeah, and I will, that reminds me too, so many times, I
pray for the Lord, to give me a heart for my children and
give me a heart for my family. And so and I do a lot of
repetition in my head. So all I’ll just say,
you know, thank you Jesus for my children, thank you,
Jesus, it’s just like, I get it running in my head and if I
and that and we can be having a great day, but I still need
to remember that and I’ll say thank you Jesus for my husband,
thank you Jesus for our home when I don’t have a living
room, but I’m still content, you know, and so, yeah,
really ’cause I mean, I just business wise I could
work all day every day. I mean, it could never stop. – Never have anybody just
talking about (mumbling). – Yes, exactly. And then it’s like well
really okay really, Tricia, you got an hour, hour and a
half, you know, and really jammed morale, you have
an hour, hour and a half or maybe nothing for two days, I mean, but you live in life in the meantime, so. – And then the cool thing
is that now that I have adult kids, it is important
for us to do those things that are because it’s showing
them God is asking us to serve people, to write books to do
these things, so we might have to sacrifice time, get up
early, work in the afternoon or whatever that is, our kids
need to see that we can follow God’s directives for our
lives and His doing for us ’cause we want them to do
it, so we will do what God has called you to do, good,
do you’re probably care. – To Czech Republic. – I know, wait, wait.
– Then they follow God. – So it is important for us
to model that for our kids so that I think our kids
benefit, I mean, they’ve gone to homeschooling conferences,
they benefit from us doing those things, so it’s a balance,
but first we need to make sure that we they know that
they’re loved and we give them the time we’re, going to give
it, more pouring into them first, and then we’re working it. – And I had a time just
recently here where like, I didn’t have videos out, I
felt like for a few weeks, I think I got like one or
two out and we just had a lot of just really good family
things going on and I couldn’t find my footing work wise,
and really, I don’t care. So if I lose my footing
with my business end, that can drowned, it
can drown for a few days or a few weeks, and as long
as my family life is rolling, and I know I’d rather my
business be drownded for a little bit and know that I can pick
away and kind of get the videos back out, I’m getting email
sent out, I can do the sponsored stuff, but in the meanwhile
we’re having our walks. So we’re reading our story,
the house is cleaned up like life is rolling, so
if you don’t you have times where there are no videos
where there’s less videos. It just may mean that for
right now, I can’t get to it and that’s okay but I’ll be back. (laughing)
– Yeah, it’s so right. – Yeah, so we have a few
kind of hodgepodge some work at home mom question and
question about coffee and organization in marriage,
so we’re joking we’re gonna put marriage at the end haha. (laughing) So while we can talk about
marriage now, so seeing John and Travis we’re not
putting it at the end. So people will ask me
’cause I don’t remember what their specific question
was, so I’m just gonna talk about next real quickly. – Yeah, I just had a new kid.
– How do we? Yes, so–
– When do we? How to nurture marriage
when you have a busy life? – Yes, so we go to the
chiropractor every other week. That’s a date and so we’ll
go out and buy breakfast, we’ll go chiropractor and
sometimes we’ll go to Lowes been. We have our little like errand
days, sometimes we’ll go to dinner and the movies,
trying to think what else do we do, well, Travis will work
in the garage and I’ll take a chair out there and
I’ll sit and talk to him. And Travis is really good about
listening to all my stories. I talk a lot, have a lot
of stories so he’ll sit and he’ll say, okay, tell me your stories. And then it’s just get hold
on tight Travis stories are coming, and if I don’t
have any stories, he’s like, well, why don’t you
have stories like what? (laughing) I’m expecting stories here,
and I know you and John, did you go on a cruise recently? – Yes, so did a date night
so we try every week. Sometimes we miss a week but
we try to do a date night, go to dinner, do a movie and– – Talk about the kids whole time. – No, we try that. (laughing) And then also he works in
computer stuffs, I always listen to him talk about computers,
I often don’t know what he’s talking about, but I listen
and by the way I’m okay. And he knows what’s going
on with my writing and show I do this and he hears all
the stories too but I think, I can’t remember how many years
ago, on our 19th anniversary we decided to go on a cruise
and so we just had three kids. – Oh, I see it, don’t let her
in the house though, chickens. Yes, I see. She might poop on your sweatshirt. Got a chicken on his shoulder, okay, yes. – So we went on a cruise
and we’re like, hey, we kind of like this, so we that we,
for a lot of years we did it when we were adopting all the
guys but a couple years ago to her, our older boys came
and said we’ll watch the kids you go on a cruise, and so
now we try to do like once a year.
– Adult kids. (laughing)
– Yeah, that is all right. Once a year to go away and
do something, so a cruise, a little mini vacation and
just have that time together where we just are together,
it’s we we usually do cruises we get like all the foods included. – Yeah, you just get on the boat like yes. – Get on the boat, we go, so
now we do, so one year I plan the excursion so we did like
snorkeling the next year. I’m like you pick what you
want, we did extreme zip lining. We did a water bike riding.
– Oh, wow. – And like all these extreme
stuff I’m like, all right, this is my favorite beaches. – I’m begging now.
– No, it’s okay, we take charge.
– That’s fine. – But we do like this,
and we do need that time. – So you’ve made it several years. You’ve had years where all
you might get is a ride to the chiropractor, and it’s something. Yeah, but now you’re able to do. – Now we’re able to, and
right now our 30, well, our 30th anniversary is coming
up in April, so at the hotel, I’m like, why didn’t we try
the, trying to figure out inexpensive, I’m talking
like a cruise like we tried cheap cruise, we’re not
you know, we’re not doing the extravagant stuff, but you
can do it and it is important to have that time. – That’s wonderful. Travis and I were going to take
a road trip to Texas to look at houses, I have a video all
about that, until I learned they were all in Tornado Alley,
so we had this wonderful. – That’s a wonderful Saul, you
still need to come to Saul. – I still, we have this great
trip plan and then I thought okay, well since we’re not
doing that, we need to plan another trip, we got planning
it and then we just got stuck. And then the summer got
busy and life happened, we haven’t done it but Travis
we should go on a trip. – And it’s hard to like
to dream about stuff. So even John will show me
campers that we’re gonna buy 10 years from now when we
can turn around, you’re just. – You can’t raise adult
kids while you’re busy. – Yeah, exactly, just like
dreaming of different things you can do or places and it’s
not like I’m always like, what we can afford that, just dream. – You can dream.
– Just dream. Yeah, a lot of times the Lord
brings those things to pass. Yes, wonderful, okay, anything else? – Organization and? – Let’s give them a couple
of like our best work at home mom tips, that we’ve kind of
okay, so then we’ll end this on ’cause Tricia and I are
both work at home moms. Even though I feel like
we don’t work that much. I mean, we work, we work, I
have had extreme work times, and I’ve shared about this
in videos when I built the free homeschool deals site
and it made money come out of the internet, I was
doing like 60 hour weeks, so and I had a year and a
half of like, what not to do? So I have been on the that’s
where video is a gift to me, on the opposite end of the spectrum with that and with time wise so. – And there’s definitely times
when I have a book deadline. Yeah, there’s–
– Stuff going on. – There is a short season. – Yeah, that you meet some
like you guys are eating pizza and–
– Yeah, figure it out. – Figure it out. – Yeah, but that’s two weeks, and you work through that time, but
I know, something for me that I’ve learned over the
years is as things build up too heavy on me, and I’m just
not getting into those things. But they still need done,
that’s a signal to me, I need to hire it out, so I have
like, I feel like a whole posse of people who work for me
now all these years later, because there’s only like,
I’m the only one who can do my videos, and Tricia can
be in with me, so I can make those videos, and I can share
pictures on my Instagram and answer your comments
and answer your comments, on Facebook and YouTube and
Instagram, and I can do like send out my emails and all of
that, right there is a whole lot and also dream up products
and other things that I want to do, but beyond that, I think
a chicken might have flown. We’re trying to escape. But beyond that, and even
that I have people working on different moving parts, so
that’s one of my best mom tips as you can, I know you can’t
when you’re just starting out, but once you get that room
like I could make a lot more but the help being with my
children is more valuable. So I will say to my children,
no, so and so is working for me right now, so I
can be here with you. Like I might get a text
from someone who helps me with something I’m like,
I need to answer this text real quick because I can
sit here and read to you for the next three hours
but they are working. They are you know during that
time, so just one of mine. – Yeah, and I think that is
so important, and even like if I was making a little
money, if I can redirect it to someone that can do
stuff, I mean, you’re helping another mom too, stay at home
mom, but the stuff like– – Let me help this chicken. – Oh, the chicken. – Okay, chicken saved,
chicken is redirected. (laughing)
– Yeah, so I do have people that help me too which,
like, I will write the blog and send it out and someone
else does all the pretty stuff to put it up there and make
it work, but also realizing that just little bits of time
here and there, it adds up and then projects get done.
– I’m learning this. – Yeah, so projects get done,
so if I’m writing a book, I’m setting an hour of quiet
focus time in the morning. In the end of the month, there’s
like a lot of stuff there to work on, and also, it
doesn’t have to be perfect at the beginning, so many
times you just get it done, get it going, you could edit
and perfect or whatever, later and then always be
looking for those opportunities to kind of bring your kids and
sometimes I’ll explain like what I’m doing and can you
help me with this and they’ve helped me package books
before in different things. So they are all part, they
feel like this is almost like the thing that mom’s
doing but it’s all our family together, so that’s really good
and then but also when I had a day even when the to do list
this is long and I just need a nap, it’s okay, like we
need to listen to our bodies, and not keep pushing for it. – So that is Tricia and
Jamerrill’s parenting thoughts, behavior thoughts,
chicken redirecting works. (laughing) So work at home mom thoughts
in there we have had a lot of fun doing all of
these videos, please down in the comments below,
let’s chat about everything we just talked about, ask
us any more questions, ’cause Tricia and I would
like to plan another video on a road trip excursion or
maybe we could go on a cruise. (laughing)
– I’m not gonna like that. – This is Tricia and I, yes, yes. So please, let’s give us some
more things to talk about, that would be fantastic,
and thank you for showing up and watching our video, oh, so go to, thegrumblefreeyear.com for
this book and for the bonuses and for the information, and a whole bunch of other links down in
the description below. Bye, bye. – Bye. (soft music)

Comments (63)

  1. I'm laid up in bed with morning sickness so this is just what I needed.❤

  2. You should have your own podcast be awsome…

  3. I want more babies but I am not going to have any more. Fertility isn't an issue but my channel explains why. I am interested in how others stay gentle and patient with young children. I have lately been doing a lot better at being kind and gentle.

  4. My daughter was a complete angel through 2 years of age. The day she turned 3 she changed from angel to demon child. It only lasted a year or so. She will be 19 in March and moved out in November, before Thanksgiving. 😕🙁☹️ she is trying to adult now.

  5. Loved & needed this ! Happy new year & peace be with you both always !!!

  6. Happy New Year from Australia.

  7. Unfortunately even with my special needs training I still have issues with my 4 yo. He is so sweet and talkative but will freak out and no redirecting helps. I try, I comfort, and then just waits. Hoping he will "grow out". We are planning to send him to kinder to be able to reset out family. Everyone else is home schooled but this needs to happen temporarily.

  8. Love you both. Mom of 9 here, blended w adoption in there etc. Man did I come across this at the right time. Very trying day.
    TY

  9. A lot of this is great advice whether you’re dealing with kids, or adults having a “kid behavior moment”. Thanks for sharing!

  10. You guys are parenting goals!

  11. Speak to my heart ❤️. Foster Adopt mama here. 3 bios, 3 adopted. First year homeschooling all of them. I love all of your tips. We do several of things. I look forward to trying more of them. Thank you both for your encouragement. 🙂

  12. I need a calm bag for being in the passenger side of the car going through Huston, TX traffic! LOL

  13. I just made a calm down bag as I watched this while I was getting homeschool supplies together for this semester. Great tip.

  14. My kids are grown. For a brief period, I was a foster parent. At the moment, I have no children at home other than a couple of grown ones. I can't get enough of what the two of you have to say. I got the Grumble Free Year for christmas (my daughter asked me what I wanted). I'm going to look through Trisha's list of books she's written … Love these sessions. Love the two of you.

  15. WHAT ! you ladies don't have perfect kids jeese Louise lol 😂 none of us do we just have to have joyful hearts and minds and redirect them

  16. happy new year, you need mods on your channel , lots of spammers on the live chat .
    have a great 2020 people!!!

  17. It's so funny when you first become a mom you never think you would ever have to have the talk about not throwing a tuna fish sandwich on the roof. LOL!

  18. I really needed this video. I have been burned out for a long while and I needed a reminder of what works. Thank you so much❤️

  19. No tornados in San Antonio 😁

  20. I just started diving into The Grumble Free Year. I’m so excited for it. We are challenging ourselves as a family to not grumble. I’m loving this video. So much great advice 💕

  21. This was amazing! You both are so wise and I appreciate hearing your wisdom. ❤️

  22. Love you both.❤️

  23. How about a late teens who seems unmotivated in personal progress

  24. Adoptive mom here 😊

  25. Thank you for sharing this! Im early in my motherhood journey. I have a 3.5 year old boy and an almost 2 year old girl (this Friday!) and boyyyy are we going through some feelings in our household. This was great information for me to collect and how to handle situations. Im generally pretty anxious so when I feel like things are out of control that anxiousness can turn into impatient. Its something Im working on for sure. I love the idea of calm bags!

  26. Great tip for a calm bag. I have a four year old who throws his temper easily.

  27. This vlog is very helpful. How do you respond when the kids start grabbing at you?

  28. I absolutely am loving this series y’all are doing. It’s nice to hear and learn from other large family Christian mamas who have been parenting and homeschooling for years. As I’m only in my 5th year and still have so much to learn ❤️

  29. Very helpful, thank you!

  30. What about when they refuse. Literally.
    Screams and throws stuff or hits. And will not listen or be redirected.
    Never know when something small like a shoe being in their way will result in getting it thrown and hit someone or a wall or who knows.
    Corner dont work.
    Time out..nope
    Privileges taken away dont work.

    Im at a loss.

  31. Such good meat and potatoes! I will comment later😊

  32. My son kicked his shoe on top of the school house when he was a freshman high school. I promise!😁

  33. I've been reading Disipline Without Damage by Vanessa Lapointe. I'm trying to be kinder and gentler with my kids than my parents were.

  34. You two are amazing. Adoption is really human gest, and everyone should think about it. Happy New Year 🥰😘

  35. Great information. Thanks for sharing.

  36. i am so sorry i was watching your video then i paused yours to switched to watch of the live fireworks on LIVING A HAPPY LIFE (that is name of the channel) and it must have not left the que and they had a live chat while the fireworks going and they had no mods in the chat room so i left that message for them . not to you . i am very sorry .
    i hope you do have a blessed new you and your family

  37. Can you give me the name and authors of the two books you recommended please? X

  38. So many good momma tips 🤗 Thank you both for your time!

  39. This is a hugely helpful video! So many great things

  40. Loved this video. We adopted from foster care. I don't share a whole lot about it on my channel but it is such a topic near and dear to my heart. I couldn't have loved this video more.

  41. The phrase “quality time” is such garbage. As a mama of 2 grown sons , you can’t schedule quality time, it just happens.

  42. I work in pre-primary Montessori (2y-6y) and redirecting is a STAPLE for me! 🤣

  43. I was adopted and am forever grateful. Thank you for all the selfless and loving parents out there who choose to go this route.

  44. I have been watching your YouTube videos for years and just want to say what a blessing you have been to me during stressful times. I'm curious how you decide to what degree you follow a child's interest. Budget wise, time wise all of thee above. We also follow interests and trying to find a balance (mostly time and budget wise).

  45. I loved hearing you talk about Richard Wurmbrand, Jamerrill. My family serves with Voice of the Martyrs in Korea. Thanks for sharing!

  46. Hi ladies just a quick side note. They are called "Children with Special Needs." They are always Children 1st!

  47. This is just so encouraging. Thank you!

  48. I am so scared to have a 2nd baby. I was working as a labor and delivery nurse when I was pregnant with my son and I was bullied so bad from my coworkers. I'm no longer at that job, but it still makes me nervous 🙄. I love how you talk about being patient. I need to work on that.

  49. I just soaked my feet, then did a pedicure and manicure while I listened. Talk about self time! Thanks for feeding my heart for a while.

  50. My plan for my life have 2 kids hopefully both girls. Gods plan so far for my life adopt 4 boys and co parent a little girl ex foster child of mine that went home to dad 6 years ago. Gods plan is so much better than mine

  51. great tips Trisha! I have several adopted kids with special needs and the struggles are real!

  52. I am also a psychiatric nurse.I spent 20 yrs with Dementia ( I worked a total of 40 yrs!) Distraction is one of the best tools. It also worked like a charm with my young children. I am Canadian, Love your channel

  53. missing all your large family cooking meals

  54. I’m 10 minutes in and I’m like yes Tricia yes!! Haha. I have an 8 year old daughter who loves to argue and I ignore it and redirect her to better behaviour and speak with her openly about why she feels the need to argue.

  55. When my daughter is frustrated or upset or I know she isn’t feeling herself emotionally I ask her to goto her bedroom and think about it, talk it out to herself and Breathe and when she feels ready to talk about it she can come speak to me.
    I find she gets incredibly flustered and can’t put it into words without grounding herself first and thinking before she speaks.
    I’ve always said in my home, all feelings are valid. And I’m always here to speak through it so we can feel better xx

  56. Lots of great advice any advice about dealing with teenagers I have one teenager who is blind but also has some medical issues that haven't been resolved for the past year-and-a-half health-wise and she's sick and tired of being sick and tired which is frustrating for her as well as frustrating with me

  57. Yes, positive distraction is very helpful to divert a melt down!

  58. The chicken is redirected 😂😂😂😂

  59. This video is sooooooo good!!!! If you both cld just be my mentors that'd be great k? Haha loved every bit of this!!

  60. I was so excited that her book was free that I cried lol. I can't wait to read it in my Mama time! <3 to you both beautiful ladies!

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